Signs of Covert Narcissism

Red phoenix rising, wings spread, on white background.

The abuse is real, even if they never raise their voice.

Covert narcissists don’t need to dominate a room—they dominate your mind. Unlike the classic overt narcissist who’s loud, arrogant, and attention-seeking, the covert type is passive, subtle, and wrapped in victimhood. That makes them harder to spot and more dangerous over time.

CORE SIGNS YOU'RE

DEALING WITH ONE

  • They weaponize guilt: You’re always made to feel like the bad guy—especially when they’re the one who caused harm.
  • They’re always the victim: No matter what happens, it’s never their fault.
  • They sulk, withdraw, and punish in silence: You feel like you have to beg just to have a conversation.
  • They give just enough to keep you hooked: Then pull back the moment you start to feel safe.
  • They appear kind to others: But behind closed doors, they’re dismissive, withholding, and passive-aggressive.
  • They don’t directly insult you—they suggest things instead:
    “    Are you sure you want to wear that?”
    “    You’re being kind of hot mess right now.”
    “You’re lucky I’m so patient with you.”

BONUS SIGN:

If you’ve Googled "am I the narcissist?" multiple times—you're probably not. Narcissists don’t self-reflect. But they’re masters at making you question everything.